Yesterday, I turned thirty-five. I felt blessed to have shared a special dinner celebration with my ohana here in Hawai’i. My sudden return trip to New York, however, has left me with an aching to be close to my family. My niece would have been two months August 4th and on that day, as I held my friend’s sleeping baby and read a bedtime story to her toddler, I got teary-eyed thinking of how I shared these beautiful moments with my other nieces and nephews but with Elsie, that day will never come. And I felt really sad for my little brother and wanted him close so I could hug him.
I feel somewhat confused. Though I miss my family, I do not want to move back to New York with its cold winters and fast paced lifestyle. I love living in Hawai’i. I love the climate, the landscape with its breathtaking views of the mountain ranges, the beaches, the culture, the work I’m doing, and the incredible people I’ve met during my time here. In these past few weeks, their love and support have helped me tremendously-whether it’s listening and giving me a hug during grief filled moments, helping me recover from injury (I hurt my back while in NY), assisting me with the move to my new home, including providing furniture for it, or celebrating life’s special moments together.
I am hoping in time, these feelings of homesickness will subside and I will find a happy medium between spending time with family and living in a place that truly feels like home.
Over the past 35 years of my life, I’ve learned that the Universe has a way of fulfilling our hearts’ desires-often in unexpected ways in unexpected timing. With gratitude and appreciation for my life thus far, I trust Divine Order is unfolding and I am hopeful for what this year will bring.