That Feeling…

All weekend, I’ve had this uncomfortable feeling. I thought going to my favorite beach on Saturday would clear my mind, but the feeling still lingered.

This morning, while adding mulch to the eggplants, I felt tremors and waves of dizziness. The thought of my supervisor witnessing this and then devising ways to have me terminated troubled me greatly. Thankfully, through the practice of meditation, I am creating a new awareness of these thought patterns and responding in more positive ways. And so I told myself it’s going to be okay and practiced the grounding technique my therapist taught me, using the majestic Wai’anae mountain range as my anchor. Thankfully, the tremors ceased and no seizures ensued, yet later in afternoon the uncomfortable feeling returned.

My mind felt cluttered and my throat felt constricted. I felt now would be a perfect time to remove the weeds from the lettuce beds. As my hands touched the soil, its life giving energy provided some mental clarity and I was finally able to describe what I’d been feeling-distrust and vulnerability; two emotions that if left unchecked can cause us to act in discordant and inhibited ways. After leaving the farm, I called my cousin in New York to share what I was feeling. I know my options now and with a peaceful heart and clear mind, I am confident that I will make the choice that is best for me.

Friends, I believe these uncomfortable feelings serve a purpose-whether they are telling you to communicate your needs and wants, to be more compassionate, to see situations in a new light, and perhaps to even serve as a compass to shift your life in a new direction.

Have a peaceful week friends.

5-19-14 Entry

(L) Me at favorite beach. (R) The Wai’anae mountain range

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About Magaly L.

Five Facts About Me: 1. I was born in El Salvador, grew up in NY, and after being in the United States for almost 33 years, I finally became a citizen in 2013. I was super excited when I voted for the first time! 2. My personal favorites: chocolate, desserts, dancing, the beach, leisure travel, reading, juicing, gardening, cooking, spending time with family, and writing. I really do love chocolate. I prefer dark chocolate, but any chocolate is better than none. I also love red velvet cupcakes from my favorite bakery in NYC, Two Little Red Hens on the Upper East Side. And I love spending time in nature. There's something so peaceful about listening to the birds or listening to the waves break, that centers me in the present moment and reminds me that Divine order is at work in my life. 3. I come from a large family and I love it! My parents, two brothers, one sister, LOTS of cousins, aunts, uncles, abuelos, and my "gotitas de amor"-my nieces and nephews. 4. I am an educator both by training and at heart. 5. I have been living with PNES (psychogenic non-epileptic seizures) since 2007. Though this condition has been life-altering and challenging to live with at times, it has also led me to a more fulfilling life, strengthening my faith and helping me have the courage to pursue my passions and chase a couple of dreams.
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6 Responses to That Feeling…

  1. Gwen Tuinman says:

    Magaly, I am so delighted that you’ve found such empowerment in meditation and awareness. I am going to be planting eggplant today, ironically. Our growing season in Ontario, Canada is rather short and, unfortunately, it is particularly cool this year. I don’t think my plants will be as productive as yours, but still, optimism remains:) Continue to be well.

  2. lorna says:

    Magaly, I am so happy to see how meditation and connection with the earth are such a powerful and positive part of your life.

  3. Debbie says:

    Magaly; Thank you for your post. My husband loves Hawaii (he lived there a few years) and finds it such a peaceful place to be restored. Really encouraging to have a window into the process you go through mentally to deal with PNES. In many ways people with PNES end up having a much deeper understanding of themselves as they learn to navigate it. ALOHA.

  4. Magaly L. says:

    Mahalo Debbie! PNES definitely changes your life. May you continue to feel encouragement and support.

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